Psalms 56:13 “For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.”

From a place of brokenness, my childhood was dark and full of ups and downs leading to a life of addiction. Throughout my years of loss, infertility, and substance abuse, I found Jesus and a love that saved my soul. It’s in that moment, my life changed, and my story began to glorify God and his goodness.

One of the greatest victories in my entire existence was overcoming my own self-destruction and finding Jesus. I grew up with two parents who loved me very much, but I ultimately had to experience the separation of those two parents along with other hardships throughout my childhood. I was raised in church to serve and love God, but eventually as I grew older, I took another path and lived completely different to the way I was raised growing up. As a teenager, I always felt that I didn’t fully grasp the concept of having a relationship with Jesus, which led me to my belief of that because I knew of God and if I did enough good in my life with a good heart, that God would still have favor in my life and my life would be abundant and joyful. I was only falling into a pit of despair. I experienced many family deaths throughout my family and eventually turned to a lifestyle of addiction in my early 20s. My addiction became a place of torment; an endless loop of detrimental self-fulfillment that ultimately left me filling empty. Even in the better seasons of my life, happiness always seemed far away, and I always felt a void in my spirit. I began to recognize my destructive patterns and my downfalls that were related to my addiction as I began my own journey to try to live better and be a different person, but every time I attempted this on my own, I fell short.

During this time, me and my husband battled infertility for 4 years. Those years were agonizing and left me feeling even more broken. I began to seek God in my life and to do things differently. I started to pursue a relationship for the first time in my entire life, completely surrendering everything. All of my entire existence, I knew of God but never really decided to seek a relationship. My husband and I began to visit a local church in our area. I started to see the heaviness of my cares and worries, the feelings and trauma of my past life and loss, just fall off little by little. Fast forward to 6 months later, we found out we were expecting. I knew in my heart and soul that this was my miracle from God. I was in one of the darkest seasons of my life all while still trying to overcome addiction in its entirety. Once I let walls down and let God in, I found out I was expecting my son; a miracle to say the least. After my pregnancy, my husband and I both accepted Jesus into our hearts, together. We made the decision to dedicate our lives to him while raising our son to love God with all his heart. God gave us our son, so we wanted to honor God by dedicating our son as well. I can’t fully express the joy and peace that filled my life once we truly became one with God. The chains I once experienced fell away entirely and I’ve never returned to that lifestyle. I remember when I thought to myself that the alcohol will forever have power over me and now, I can boldly say because of Jesus, it will never ever hold such power over me ever again.

Before my son’s first birthday, I lost my best friend due to a surgical procedure that had gone wrong and just two months later, I lost an uncle who was like a father to me. Somedays, I could feel that emptiness I once remembered creeping back up, but I’m reminded that my life is renewed, my heart and mind. He gives me endurance I never knew I had in such dark times and calmness that truly does surpass all understanding. As a believer, I know that even though we are loved unconditionally and given grace daily, not one person in this earth is exempt from the tragic things that sometimes happen in this life, but during those times, he promises to be with us and to carry us through. His love reaches beyond our pain and promises a future that will never fail. Being a believer and lover of Christ does not mean we live a perfect life. We still experience hardships in life, but our faith remains unshaken and steadfast in God. Our foundation is rooted in God’s mercy and love and no matter what we face in this life, we can have comfort and peace that he remains in our future, just as he was in our past and in our present.

From this day forward, I will continue to walk in the newness of life as a new creation because that’s what I am. 2 Corinthians 5:17-20 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” I remain liberated from a place of pain and darkness to a place where my life will forever be a testimony of God’s grace and love.